I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
