EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
