I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
