If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
