The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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