I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
