I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
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You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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