His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
