Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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