i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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