If you die in college, do you die in real life?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
