what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
