You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
