I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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