do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
