He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
