To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
