I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
