My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This baby is an asshole
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
