i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize