Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
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When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
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If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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