we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
