Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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