if i died would you start the facebook group?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
