i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
