can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
