im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
