I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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