The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
