What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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