I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
