My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
