Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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