Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You are the jesus of drinking
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
