Ambien. No doubt about it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
