I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
