so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
