just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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