I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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