i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
