Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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