What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
