I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Even my vagina gasped.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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