we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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