But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
