in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize