for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
