I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
