Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
