Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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