I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. Go after that dick
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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