I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
