Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
