No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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