i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
