well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
