Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
