god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We need to get me chipped asap
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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