What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
