i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
