There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
