I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
