this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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