If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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