Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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