Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
