That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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