I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
