yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
