may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
