Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
