Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
