i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
