how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
